Waiting for my Real Life to Begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in I'll keep checking the horizon I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come 

crashing Come crashing down down down, on me And you say, be still my love Open up your heart Let the light shine in But don't you understand I already have a 

plan I'm waiting for my real life to begin When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened But in my dreams, I slew the dragon And down this beaten path,and up this cobbled lane I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again And you say, just be here now Forget about 

the past, your mask is wearing thin Let me throw one more dice I know that I can win I'm waiting for my real life to begin Any minute now, my ship is coming in I’ll keep checking the horizon And I'll check my machine, there's sure to bethat call It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon It's just that times are lean And you say, be still my love Open up your heart, let the light shine in Don't you understand I already have a plan I'm waiting for my real life to begin

I have spent so much of my life waiting that I wonder if it will ever actually begin. I've been in limbo; in between. I've been waiting for high school to start, a new job, the day when I can move out, the next Harry Potter book, phone calls, a bill of health from my doctor, my next paycheck, my next day off, graduation. Each time I think that things are finally coming together, something changes and I'm waiting all over again. Right now I am waiting for several things. I'm ready to be healthy for once in my life. I need a job that pays me enough to support myself and pay for an apartment. I'm waiting for my real life to begin.

When I first heard the song "Waiting for my Real Life to Begin" by Colin Hay, I immediately knew that this applied to me. I have a clear vision of how I want to live my life, I just don't have the details in place. And, even if I did, I'm not in a position to fulfill them. I'm too unhealthy to find a job, let alone actually work. What I want is a steady job that I enjoy, a chance to stay close to my family and old friends while making new friends, and activities that keep me interested in life. I don't think that sounds too difficult - it's how most people live. I have a very close group of friends, and we are always coming up with great ideas of things we want to do together. But we never get to do them, because we are stuck in limbo. 

In four months I will be 26 years old. I'll be an adult in anyone's eyes - even my mother's. I don't want to be stuck in the in between, waiting for my life to begin, at age 26. I have a life to live, and I'm ready to live it. Of course, I know that I have done lots of exciting things in my life, but even then I was in waiting: waiting for the next phone call from crew scheduling, waiting to be a full-time flight attendant. Waiting. My question is: when does the waiting end and life begin? I'm not dumb enough to think that I won't always be waiting for something in my life, but does it always have to be so major? I'm prepared to wait for the weekends for the rest of my life. But I'm not prepared to wait to get well for forever. By the time my mama was my age, she was getting married for the second time (she was a widow at age 20). She had been working for years and had been independent for just as long. I'm afraid that I will be that 30 year old person who never completely becomes independent. How can I, when I can't get a job because of my illnesses? 

I thought my life had begun when I graduated from flight attendant training three years ago, but now I'm back where I started. I keep praying to find out what good can come from this, and the only thing I've learned is that I need to look to the future, not the past. I'm waiting to see what else I can learn.